What’s Love Got To Do With It…?

Yes, this is going to be the typical blog post about love. Maybe it will be sappy…maybe mushy or cheesy, but whatever the adjectives are that end up perfectly describing this blog post, I hope one among them will be real. I don’t know how this post is going to turn out, sometimes I have a big picture idea in mind for a post…other times are like tonight. I warned you!

It’s been a fun night hanging out with friends, including overpriced margaritas and quesadillas, which leads me to coming home at 11:30 and deciding it’s the perfect time to finish a bottle of wine and watch The Notebook. (Please note, I’ve later decided that it is not the perfect time to watch The Notebook, of all movies I could have chosen, and especially not with a half-full bottle of wine). If I decide to “publish” this post…which there is no telling, but if you’re reading it, then I guess my decision was obvious, but if I do, please do not judge this post for my fantastical ideas of love/relationships, just appreciate my thoughts (though you can always tell me how much you love them… 🙂 ), and then let them influence you as they may, a lot or nothing at all.

Gosh…that scene in this movie with the ocean… I fall for it every time. You know the scene: “Say you’re a bird.” “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.” AH. I love this movie.

PS. Super excited that I just figured out how to embed a Youtube video into this post. (Go me!)

Anyway, back to the good stuff. So, yes, I’ve said before that I’m feeling more comfortable with the idea of dating someone again. But, this whole dating world is so different, especially 1) as an adult and 2) with all of this technology! I know, I sound like an old lady…but they barely had texting when I last dated! I am a dinosaur.

I mean, I think I can manage with the whole texting, Skype, Facetime, iMessage, whatever else kind of communication I’ll encounter when talking to new people, but this whole adult thing? I am not prepared for that. I mean, how does one just “unload” all of their past baggage onto another person and expect them to not run away screaming? Sure, you do it slowly… not all at once, but the thought of it just seems overwhelming. I guess that’s part of love? The blindness that occurs when people start to fall into that honeymoon, “you hung the moon”, you’re my one and only, etc.

Oh, don’t worry… just bawling my eyes out currently. “Why didn’t you write me?” Yeah, Noah… why didn’t you write her? Oh wait, you did!? (Hang in there, fragile heart of mine!)

Okay, fully recovered now, only the occasional sniffling. Where was I? Oh yes, the daunting idea of dating. Yech… I don’t really like to even think about it, it makes me so nervous. I mean, how do you even find someone? Yes, yes, there is online dating. But, I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around it yet, for myself at least. I know it’s been proven successful, and I even have several close friends that have amazing relationships with someone they met through various websites. But me? I just have too much to say, (I mean, clearly… I write a blog now), and I can’t really pin down my wants and needs into a single paragraph or chose the right photo that hides all my flaws and accentuates the good things. Nope, not for me right now. Maybe in the future?

As for the other avenues, well the options are…limited. Yes, there are bars, (no thank you…the clientele I’ve met is…less than ideal), and of course, there is church. But honestly, the options that I’ve met there are very limited as well. The singles classes are mostly female, and I feel like it’s just like the Hunger Games trying to get the attention of the few single men in whatever group I’m in. (No thank you…I’ll pass.) So, friends of mine… time to step up to the plate and find some normal single guys for this lady! Haha, just kidding…but no, really.

Well, I’ve reached the end of my movie… I made it through! A beautiful, happy ending for Noah and Allie, one that I can hope for one day for myself. Okay, preferably not the Alzheimer’s part and having to listen to the same story every day, but yes to the part about having a true love that you get to spend your entire life with…literally to the very end. Sigh. One day I will have that, one day. Until then, this movie will have to do, but I’m okay with that for now. (Get on it, friends!) 🙂

It’s Funny How Things Work Out

Well, actually in my experience…it hasn’t been that funny lately. But I’ve heard it can be funny? I guess it’s all in perspective.

Honestly, this past week has been a little dramatic, and I haven’t really been sure how to get all of my thoughts down onto “paper” and such. I feel this post will be a little bit more of a hot mess, so just bear with me and keep on readin’ on.

The reason I find it funny that things work out the way they do is because I think I’m a bit self-deprecating. If you know me at all, you will know I will be the first one to be critical of myself, or make a joke out of something ridiculously dumb that I did just to make another person feel comfortable. I love to joke about my height, my weight, my freckles, my glasses, the list goes on and on. It’s not that I hate these things about myself, I just find it easier to make jokes about things I’m embarrassed about rather than have someone think I don’t know that “XX” about me is weird. And, I’m kinda funny sometimes so that makes me feel good. 🙂

But in reality, as I said earlier, things often aren’t that funny lately. For example, why does it work out that I try to be the adult in situations, and I just get taken advantage of? Why do I choose to continue being the bigger person, when all I get is selfishness and disrespect in return? Why do I give 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 1000000th chances, and I am still disappointed by the outcome?

Yes, we all know that I’m talking about my divorce. Yes, we can all tell I’m upset and venting a little. Please understand, I will always use this blog as an outlet to be honest, work through feelings and emotions, and be a support to others going through rough times. I will never be disrespectful, dishonest, manipulative, or just plain mean to anyone on this blog. That’s not encouraging for anyone, even though sometimes it’s all I want to do. I hate looking like the victim and I want to appear strong in my words and actions; but then I always worry about coming across rude or selfish and that scares me even more. I really struggle with finding the balance between the two sometimes.

While wasting time on Pinterest the other night, I found this little diddy, and it is perfect for how I feel 99% of the time. It’s just sassy enough to get the point across, but still respectful at the same time.



I thought this one was more appropriate for the blog than the ones that said, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”. Because, you know, a 5’2″ sarcastic freckled girl with hipster glasses can throw down some fury. Watch out.


Okay, I’m changing the subject to something a little more positive! I feel like I say it a lot, but I seriously have the best. friends. ever. Let me tell you a little story. Before I decided to separate and move out, I was terrified that I would be alone. It’s part of the reason I stayed in that relationship for so long. I thought that I’d be spending countless nights by myself eating frozen meals and then crying into my bowl of ice cream wishing that I had someone other than Sophie to talk to.

This one was pretty funny when it worked out, my friends (and family, but I count them as friends, too) came out of the woodwork to be there for me and show love and support for what I’m going through. Of course, I still have nights at home to myself from time to time, but I am never more than a phone call away from a friend willing to do anything with me. From taking me to Top Golf for the first time and watching me make a fool out of myself to just chilling by the pool drinking too much wine and being eaten alive by mosquitos, brunch with awesome waiters (shout out to Chris at Oddfellows!), late nights playing pool and talking about life, making cupcakes and drinking champagne, random road trips for no other reason than just having dinner together, I could go on and on but everything I get to do with friends means so much. I wouldn’t be making it through all of this stupid drama without some awesome friends.

This whole situation has reconnected me with so many people in my life, it’s a little ridiculous. People I haven’t talked to in decades, teachers from high school, old friends, distant relatives,

In the hardest of times when I start to lose faith, I am always reminded that God answers prayers. My biggest fear of being alone has been crushed with an overwhelming love by so many more people than I could imagine. How awesome is that?! I may live alone now, but I have never felt so supported and “less alone” in my life.

Sometimes…I love how things work out.

Wash, Rinse, and Repeat

My week nights have become fairly routine lately, which I consider both a good and bad thing. On the positive side, it’s nice to know what to expect after work: get home, take Sophie out, change, work out, take a shower, eat dinner, cleaning/laundry (or not), then a little TV, and bed. Unless I have dinner plans with someone, that pretty much sums up my night…night after night.after night.

Routine wasn’t something I minded (I hate that phrase in past tense…is it minded? mound? …whatevs) when there was some one to share the routine with. Some one you could count on to be a part of the cycle, or support you when you wanted to break out and do something different. But on some nights, the usual routine gives me anxiety. Patterns, circles, cycles, these things are repetitive and unending. When will this routine end? Will there ever be a variable injected into this monotonous series of nights, changing everything for the better?

Some would say that I am that variable, and I see their point. I do decide to do the same thing every night. I do choose my routine and decide my attitude about those decisions. But, there is also something to be said about spontaneity. An outside force to “change up” the regular, expected events of a usual night. Is it wrong to want a little excitement in my life?

Part of my routine that has become more regular than I would like to admit has been wasting too many hours on Pinterest. Oh, how I love/hate/love my pins! I feel like the best of me is on that stupid web page. My best recipes, my future home, my future man (Gerard Butler, even if you have become a terrible actor, I will always let you talk to me in that Irish accent…any time you want!), my workout routines, my closet. Everything and more I have stored up in pictures and links…that website is my addiction. Oh, and I am not proud of it.

On the other hand, Pinterest has been sort of therapeutic for me. I’ve found ways to be positive and appreciate the little things in life, tricks to eat healthier and look better, places to travel, ways to save money. So many good things have come from those pins that I can’t throw the website in the junk folder completely. ..not yet anyway.

Specifically in the love/romance/mushy feelings department, Pinterest has been my best friend and worst enemy at the same time. I can scroll through pins and find the most perfect, uplifting, honest quote that makes me feel like I’m not alone during this chapter in my life, or a song quote that hits really close to home:

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But then there are some nights where I come across a mushy, emotional pin. Or, the best worst is when you find something that punches you in the gut and makes you want to just curl up in a ball for the rest of the night.

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But usually, I can end the wasted hour (okay, hours) by chuckling to a few funny pictures or sarcastic comments that I have all too much in common with. I’ve found that humor is really the best way to get through the hardest of times.

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Tonight, I’ll choose to take solace in my routines. I’ll choose to find comfort in coming home to a sweet puppy that loves me, and decide to love the fact that I know where I’ll sleep tonight and have plenty of food in my pantry…even if I can’t eat half of it because it doesn’t fit into my diet plan. (I’m looking at you Funfetti cake mix!) I’ll keep spending time on Pinterest, too. Hey, it’s cheaper than therapy, right?


So, how was your weekend?

“So, how was your weekend?”

That’s the question I always dread come Monday morning. You have to play the game of sounding like you did something interesting, when in reality, you probably just binged watched a season and a half of Orange is the New Black. Who me? No, I didn’t do that either…

So, how was my weekend really, you ask? It was great! There were friends, there was fun, and best of all, there was laughter. Real laughter.

Friday night was spent in the Bishop Arts District… if you haven’t been and you live in Dallas, shame on you! It is so much fun, the people are less uptight than in Uptown, and the food. is. amazing. Eno’s Pizza is one of my favorite new places. Black garlic and heirloom spinach pizza. Ahhh-mazing. And my new favorite beer: Deep Ellum Dream Crusher. Yum, with grapefruit and rye…seriously, so good. I don’t eat much “real” food anymore, mainly just salads and protein bars lately; I guess that makes special treats like Friday night so much more enjoyable.

I learned something else that night, I need to add ‘learn to parallel park’ to my to-do list. I don’t know how I never learned, but it is really a hassle now that I live closer to downtown. I usually have to Chinese fire drill with the other people in my car so that someone can take over parking when we find an open spot.

There are few things I love more in life than a casual night spent with friends. (Really, the only thing I love more is Nutella…but that’s not on my list right now, we’re separated, it was too clingy…always hanging around, I had to end it). Anyway, I really enjoy just sitting around talking about random, usually pretty dumb, things… laughing can be so therapeutic.

I spent Saturday night on a hot date with a real cutie…and, I think its really going somewhere, too. I mean, his bed time is a little early for me so it puts us on a weird schedule, but we can make it work. We talked and hung out for a few hours, then had dinner together. It was a blast!

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Okay, so at this point in the night we were two milks in and he was a little more interested in Elmo than me…but I’m telling you, there’s potential here. Caleb and I are best buds, I love him so much! (And his mom, Christine, is a seriously amazing woman/mom/friend/person in general!) Thank you for letting me spend some quality time with him while you and Joel had a night to yourselves!) I successfully put this little guy to bed with no tears…and it gives me a little hope that one day, somewhere in the future, I can be a successful parent, or if that never happens, I can still continue to be a rad pseudo-aunt.

Today was just what I needed: relaxing. Waking up at 10:30, mainly because it was lightly raining so the sun wasn’t pouring in as it usually does at 7:30. The sound of rain was so soothing, and when paired with a cuddly Sophie in my bed, it was nice to just appreciate my life for a few minutes. Then, I went to see a movie that I normally wouldn’t see: X-Men. It was actually pretty good! What was even better was laughing uncontrollably when a 8 year old tripped on a step in front of the whole theater. Don’t judge me, the kid was fine and I think he even laughed at himself when he got back up. His dad and brother certainly did, that’s for sure.

To wrap up my Sunday…a little grocery shopping. Since I now do it alone, the task has become rather interesting. I usually have to climb on my shopping cart at least twice a trip to try and reach something I need. The acrobatics usually work, only once have I rolled halfway down the aisle, knocking various boxes off the shelf…yes, you can go ahead and laugh, I’ll admit that I did while picking up the things I knocked over.

I’m thinking about changing my shopping times to the peak hours when people go shopping for groceries. Maybe then I’ll find a tall gentleman who will happily help me with the top shelf items I need, and then, we’ll grab a coffee together from the Starbucks inside the Kroger and it will be destiny. Haha, well, needless to say these are the things I think about while trying to un-wedge my shoe from the side of the cart. A girl can dream, right?

Bring it on Monday, I’m ready for you.


New Week, New Me!

You know what I love about Mondays?!

Okay, almost nothing…but I do love that it’s a fresh start to the week. That whatever happened the week before is old news and doesn’t have to impact how this week will be.

Anyway, today, as you probably saw on my Facebook post, I kicked butt on the elliptical and then gave everyone a few minutes of entertainment as I attempted to walk out of the gym. Well, I wouldn’t really call it walking, more like a baby giraffe trying to stand up for the first time. Oh, and, of course, women were running like beautiful gazelles on the treadmill as I stumbled by trying to smile and not make a complete fool of myself. Needless to say, it was the highlight of my day. No, truly it was, learning to laugh at myself is this new thing I’m trying…most of the time it’s mortifying, but I think it’s starting to make life a little more fun.

Speaking of life being more fun, here’s my most recent list of new things I’m trying just to enjoy life more (no judgement, I mean it!):

Singing – in the car, the shower (the acoustics…yes!), just in general wherever in my apartment. I used to keep my mouth shut when my favorite song came on, especially if there were other people around. Well, let me just tell you all that you had it easy. I cannot carry a tune in a bucket (with a lid). But hey, why can’t I just enjoy a good song?

Dancing – sorry, there will be no Youtube videos of myself twerking in my apartment…although, I’m sure that’s what you immediately pictured. But, when I’ve got nothing to do at night and Sophie wants to get some energy out, you can bet that we’ve had multiple dance parties (some even included a little karaoke). Seriously, listen to my all-time favorite dancing song and try not to smile and do a little jig yourself!

New Foods – I didn’t ever consider myself a picky eater, per se. Maybe I was, but I tried to never inconvenience others if I didn’t care for something. Recently, I’ve started to branch out and try new foods…and actually accept that I might like them. Turns out, some things are amazing! Not all foods…people still think I’m crazy for not liking avocados or hummus. (Hey, I said no judgement! It’s a texture thing…that’s the next one I hope to “grow out of”). There is so much more flavor in foods that are fresh and cooked well! My diet used to be full of fried this and ketchup-covered that…now I can hardly finish a Chick-fil-a sandwich. It’s crazy, the old things still taste good, but I just don’t crave them.

New Hairstyle (coming soon) –  I made a deal with myself that I would lose 20 pounds and then cut my hair off. My face was/is a little too round to be able to do a bob well…so I’m thinking it will be something summery and shoulder-length. Maybe lighter? Layers? I’m almost to my next weight milestone, so stay tuned!!


Feel free to think of any other ways I can make a complete fool out of myself on the internet. Hah, I’m looking to embarrass myself a little more. But sorry….still no twerking video. I won’t cross that line.